Fate

That I would write of Ms. Winky a few days before Siva and I spoke for the first time?

That Siva has a bad knee?

Creepy.

Coffee Art

Found this guy and his dog above the trash can in my office. I am such a genius that even trashing my coffee cup produces art.

The Vacuum

When you realize that you are about to leave a place, a place that has many many memories associated with it - the tree under which you waited for a friend, the coffee shop you frequent, the tiny triangle which looks splendid in fall, the window where you watched the snow fall, the lights that lit up your way on that teary eyed walk back home....
there is that sudden need and urge to memorize everything, remember the co-ordinates and appearances of memories and pack them neatly in your heart.

An urgency that makes you alive and raw in the middle of the typical corporate work day.

Random

Of late I think of Charu and thank her or rather her profuse wisdom. "You know.. you expect too much" put me on the right track, I think.

I wish I had dimples. Wish at least my kids will have.

To my grandad

Dear thatha,

It will be 8 years tomorrow since you left us. It is ironical how I feel closer to you only after you bid goodbye.

Do you remember the big old house at Periyakulam?. I do. Your room upstairs, your voice, and the pictures you took. I have vague recollections of the terrace and the backyard, like an old fading picture. Of you giving me chocolates. Of the smell of cigarettes. Of the voice. The voice that sounded like a lion's roar.

Memories like the almost-fading black and white pictures of you and Anbu thatha with your parents. Your birthday cards signed "Pappa thatha"... you always used to send us one no matter where you were. Of discovering your diary after you were gone, with everyone's birthdays noted down in that neat script of yours. Your list included everyone in the family, and the extended family. Of how I cried holding onto that diary in the dark corner of my room, realizing how much you cared, but never showed it to us. Of seeing you cuddled up before your surgery, the sudden realization dawning on me that you were scared, but chose to hide it in the resounding laughs in front of the others.

I remember your eyes when you came home from the surgery. Searching for reaction in mine. Reaction to the weight loss and the fragile frame you had become. To how the lion's roar was now a whisper. And I remember me trying to brush off any reaction, and act normal on seeing you. I could not bear to see the lion reduced to a little kid thatha.....

Your attempt to get dentures and show them off to me and athai is an oft told funny anectode in my circle. Thinking about it now, I am touched at how you wanted acceptance from us. I guess that is what I hold on to. The passion for life, the willpower, the thirst for knowledge.

It is funny how I had always thought of you as competition, fighting, clashing egos and pretty much making life hell for the both of us and for Appa. I can only imagine the pain I should have caused him when I made him choose between you and me. I am sorry Appa. You know what is funnier? Of all the people, I feel the closest to you. I turn to you in times of need. And you are always there for me. I belong to the family of someone who quit smoking and changed his habits out of sheer willpower - the thought that always tides me through pain and weakness. It hurts to know what I missed by being the haughty immature kid I was. I guess that is my cross to bear.

I want to let you know how proud I am to be your grand daughter. Its not easy being in your lineage. You set quite a high standard.

I wish I could take you around now. I know the perfect little restaurant you will enjoy, the long walks you will relish, and the books and music that you like.

I miss you.

Ms. Winky is at it again

Come rain or snow, there is no stopping the dance of the happy heart.

Old world charm

It seems that names from yore are making a come back in fashion these days... Parvati, Lalita, Padma.....

I am beginning to develop a fondness towards them, the ones with the great mythological histories. And yes, there is a strength and sexiness in the different names for Parvati, dont you think?

Lalita -- the light of Shiva's eyes
Uma/ Gauri - the golden one
Parvati - the gentle mother
Shyama - the dusky beauty

I wish I had one of those names. Maybe I'll name my kid one of those names...and have her hate me for choosing such an ancient name in the modern world.

Passion

Every once in a while comes the exhilarating moment that catches your breath and swings you on the clouds, leaving you there with that joy. Not the happy contentment, but the one that adds a spring to your steps.

I had the chance to attend a cultural fest this week. Came out feeling so glad I went :-)

From the mini-cheerleading, so-proud-i-could-cry moments during my school's performance (Go Meera!), to the the oh-so-dreaaaamy Besame mucho from Guadalupe, to the AMAZING(yes, in capitals, TomKat style), musical piece on the Mohin Khuur it was an evening to die for.

Guadalupe's voice and smile left me in tears, bringing back the years when BoyZone and Enrique Iglesias were on my list of "when I meet them, they will fall in love with me and kill their wives to marry me". The guy has a voice that reminds me of soft steps over dewey grass on an early morning. Oh! He definitely knows how to perform....and use his charms and captivate. It was refreshing to see someone who knew his lemons.

Contrast that with the gentleman from inner Mongolia who let his talent speak for him, humility personified. I was amazed at the range the violin like instrument could produce! And Mr. Bo reminded me so much of Kunnakudi Vaidyanathan, him of the 1-rupee-size kumkum mark on his forehead and the incessant energy. The way he moves to the music as if he can "feel" it within himself, and channelizing the emotion of the song from his soul! I can still remember his melancholy when announcing someone's passing away on DD through his tribute on violin, and the stark difference it had to his pongal/diwali appearances.



I am so glad I have the ability to enjoy music and dance so much!